Passion:
1. any powerful or compelling emotion or feeling, as love or hate.
2. strong amorous feeling or desire; love; ardor.
3. strong sexual desire; lust.
4. an instance or experience of strong love or sexual desire.
5. a person toward whom one feels strong love or sexual desire.
6. a strong or extravagant fondness, enthusiasm, or desire for anything: a passion for music.
Wow, I've been neglecting to blog lately. I just don't seem like I have the time. I'll recount some of the things that have been happening since my last one to the strange emotional state I am in now.
Let's see, I can FINALLY fucking drive again, thank god. It's been so long, and I'm so happy to be doing it again. Cruising around in the Maz is such a good feeling, and really makes me feel alot more free, and opens up alot of options for me, but it's pretty much become normal already, and expensive of course.
Went to Cranbrook with it a few days ago. Suffice it to say, it was a crazy ass night. Alot of partying, and dumb shit that I don't quite regret but should not have done. Went through about 500 bucks that night, lost our damage deposit on our room. I honestly don't know if I'm happy or upset about the whole thing. I had fun though, so that's all that really matters.
Now onto how I'm feeling now. I've been thinking about blogging this ALL day at work. I don't know, I feel like I have no passion to motivate me these days. Like, I have the band and all, and it's great, but it feels like I would be alot happier in a different situation. I mean, I'm content, and have lots of good stuff going on, but I could be alot more satisfied. I need to be in a city, working at a music shop or a LAN cafe, going to school. Something to keep me going. Something DIFFERENT. This town is really starting to bring me down. It's too safe, too comfortable. And the people. This brings me back to my first post. It is getting honestly to the point where I feel like I am losing my creativity. I have no outlets for educated discussion. I think I need to start writing again, being more involved with art, beyond music. All the people I know are so caught up in thier lives and everyone else's lives they don't appreciate things. Don't see beauty where they should. All just gossip and parties. I feel like I have no genuine friends. I mean, I know I have endless people that I feel care about me greatly, but noone I can confide in, or talk seriously or creatively with. I know quite a few people but they are all moved on from here, or not people I can just see all the time. I need people I can share things with, sit and enjoy silence with. People open-minded, intelligent, artistic. I really am lacking these types of people at this point, and I feel this town is not helping me at all. Part of me wants to just say fuck it all and move somewhere, California, or Vancouver. Somewhere where there are people out there I can relate to. There should be someone in my life I could have a face to face conversation about all this with, but they just aren't available. All in time. But I feel held here, mainly by the band. I am so happy playing with them that I don't think I could give it up though.
But yeah, so I think, on my day off, I am gonna go to open doors and start on my schooling. Having a vehicle leaves me no excuse not to do this now. And I need to go for a hike, like...badly. The forest eases me more than anything, and I don't take that for granted nearly like I should.
Anyways, I could say tons more but I'll leave it for another day. Quite the depressing post, but it was necessary. I feel much better just putting it out there. I'm not even upset, I'm damn happy about life, but something is missing that I feel I should have. It will come to me.
Until next time, I love you all who read this, as I'm sure you know! I leave you with....hhhmmm...Paramore.
"It takes aquired minds, to taste this wine. You can't down it with your eyes, so we don't need the headlines, we just want the airwaves back" -Born for this Paramore
I think we should hang out some time. I can try and be somewhat more talkative, hah.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean about Invermere. If you do decide to get out of here, I hope you can find what you're looking for.
We totally should. Think you and Taylor and I should go for coffee sometime. Conversations with Taylor always leave me satisfied mentally lol. And maybe Lucas, since I think me and him could talk music for at least a few hours, and you two seem to be fairly close friends. :P
ReplyDeleteAnd yeah, you were VERY quiet when we hung out. No problem with that though.
I hope too, I need whatever it is, lol.
Sounds like a plan. I'm willing to any time any of y'all are. Haha yeah, Lucas is my best friend. Chances are with him around, I will be more talkative too.
ReplyDeleteYeahhh. Well hey, I had met four new people for the first time that day. That's a lot for me in one burst, heh. D:
Haha okay, well then bring him along. I'll talk to Taylor and organize a day, cause I would really enjoy that.
ReplyDeleteAnd yeah, I could see that being quite intimidating. You did well. I heard you speak like....10 words, hah. :P
Yeah I don't know. Lucas isn't the easiest guy to get into town unfortunately, so yeah, talk to Taylor.
ReplyDeleteHaha yes, especially for me. Bah, well thanks. That's probably a record for that many people.
Haha, okay. Well I can drive remember, so I can go pick him up :P. Where's he live anyways?
ReplyDeleteOooh right.
ReplyDeleteHe's in Radium.
oh haha okay, well I'll talk to him about it. I'm sure we can work something out. :P
ReplyDeleteYeah for sure. He's on msn right now. I should probably add you sometime, eh?
ReplyDeletehaha yeah I've been meaning to ask you what you msn was actually.
ReplyDeletesabin2k@hotmail.com is mine, add me up! :)
Alright. I shall add you to my second e-mail (feeel specical, there's only like.. eight people on that msn haha)
ReplyDeleteWell thank you, I feel very privileged Skylar. haha.
ReplyDeleteWhy do you have two exactly?
There's nothing more inspiring or developmental than stepping out of your comfort zone and letting yourself interact with a new environment and people; As my writing professor once commented, "every great story is either about the heroine leaving home or the stranger coming to town."
ReplyDeleteI have two because the first one was one I had for years. It has a couple hundred contacts, which frankly, is far too many. Only a handful of the people were people I enjoyed talking to, and the rest were either blocked, or if they tried talking to me I just ignored them. I also used that e-mail for whatever websites I had signed up for in the past, and that inbox wasn't always the most fun to go through.
ReplyDeleteSo yeah, I created a new msn that started with Lucas, my cousin Morgan, Jairus, Taylor, and then if I meet new people that I exchange msns with and I find them to be interesting and able to hold conversation, then I add them to my second e-mail.
/novel of an explanation
GET OUT OF INVERMERE.
ReplyDeleteIt is a pit of stagnation and misery. Just don't move to Calgary.
COME TO VANCOUVER. but finish school first. and get as much out of the band your with that you can. after that MOVE ON. you are brilliant lee. There is so much going on here that you could be a part of. (California would be cool too ps...)
ReplyDeleteman, i knew that wouldn't work...did you get anything from me?
ReplyDeleteokay....give me a while here...may be an iota closer to figuring this out.....
ReplyDeleteneed to figure out how to change my profile to phadra...
ReplyDeletelooks like i'll have to do some re-working of my phadra blog profile first...but i think i'll have to respond to this one by email....waaaaay to much to comment on! it's a great blog tho....thoughtful, funny, honest and SMART! (i have always paid enormous attention to SMART) so check your yahoo email tonight if you get a chance. love, as always....
ReplyDeleteYou are all too right guys. I really do need to leave this town. And yes Drucilla, I hate Calgary with a passion. I think Van is a good option as all my friends are there.
ReplyDeleteAnd thanks mom, haha. I will be watching my e-mail!
Lee, if you come to Vancouver I will help with anything you need. After spending a week in this city I can truly see you living here and loving it, and I'm not just saying that because I am selfish and want you near me. And I know you love the band, but remember that there are probably tons of musicians here as well that you could jam with and possibly things could be even better! And I'm only a phone call away. Love.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeletehaha I totally don't remember that, but sounds like exactly like something I would say.
ReplyDelete