Ugh....

Hey guys.

So I bought a new car a few days ago. Or, my dad bought it for me, putting me even deeper in debt. Bought Ryan's old car (You know it well Meghan, :P). It's a damn good car for what I paid. Has taken me to cranbrook and back quite a few times now. Hopefully it lasts me awhile.

I'm in a seriously bad and yet creative mood at the moment. I feel like singing, writing some guitar. But considering I have never sang before let alone write a song, not sure how well it will go. Might not tackle that today.

Trying to think of things to blog about other than the girl I'm "involved" with but it's proving to be quite difficult, so here we are again.

I am seriously, seriously not putting myself in a good position with this whole thing. I'm totally addicted to going and seeing her, and I know it's just bad for me. This distance thing DOES NOT WORK, and I do not recommend it to anyone. No matter how hard I try to just enjoy things how they are, my time with her as it is, I can't help but constantly wish I was with here, and not being my usual happy self when I'm not. I just got payed today, and was about to spend my last 30 dollars to go see her. I got to Fairmont and had to come back. I know it was a smarter choice, but the decision kills me. Not only that but I promised her I would come. Not like she is mad, or she doesn't seem to be, which could mean anything I suppose. It would be so much more convenient if I could meet a girl like this in this town, but I have a feeling I wont meet a girl this amazing for a very long time. I've been without a steady girlfriend for way too damn long. I am sick of being single.

I'll survive.

Things are going fairly well other than that, as much as that says. Get my new computer in the next few weeks. I really really really do love my parents. They have been so damn good to me throughout the years. My dad has put up with so much shit with me in the last year and yet he still will help me do whatever it takes to make sure I'm okay. I miss my Mom though. I'm counting down the days when I can just sit on that balcony in California, overlooking the San Fran bay and just sip daquiri's and chat with her. It can't come soon enough. 

On another note, I wanna leave this fucking town. So bad. I love it here, and am really starting to love all the people I'm meeting and spending all my time with. But I need a city. I need San Fran. I need Vancouver. I need culture. I need music. I need a scene. I need change. I think I'm really gonna enjoy my summer here though. I'm also losing passion for the band. I don't have much desire anymore. It may be due to spending all my mental energy on this girl, but I just don't feel it. I wanna drum though, more than anything. I need my kit back from the jam space.

And most of all, I need Korri. I wish she was here. I need one of her hugs. I need her stories. I wanna hear all her adventures leaving to the city. I can't wait to see her this month (is it this month? I hope so). Soon. Soon. Soon.

Also. WTF is with that New Moon trailer. Bella and Edward seem to have that horribly portrayed connection that they had in Twilight. And as much as I loved the CG in Golden Compass those shitty ass "were-wolvcs" just didn't do it for me. I still will love it, and will find it amazing as I did Twilight, but really? Plus Taylor looks SO fucking dope, I think he can easily steal some of Rob's thunder.

Anyways, I LOVE YOU ALL, I LOVE THE WORLD, AND....FUCK!

And Korri, HURRY UP AND COME HUG ME PLEASE!!!

R.I.P. Roxy

Hey guys!

First of, let me apologize for my denial of my blog in the last few months. Not like I have a large fanbase that will petition against me for it or anything, more of an apology to myself for neglecting it.

Your in for a long one.

First off, I'm dropping my title format, as I find it is too much work to find random words that relate to the post and find definitions for them.

Second, this entry I dedicate to my car, my automotive love. My first true mode of vehicular transport that has brought me and many other people before me so many great times. I pass this onto you, like it isn't obvious at all, but I advise you to NOT EVER let anyone drive your car, especially while heavily inebriated(sp?). Smashed tail light, and although the attempt has been made to fix it, the great morale body that is our RCMP may not approve of the job. Nonetheless, I need a new car. So RIP to my car, who I shall call Roxy. You will always be my first love.

Now what have I been doing this whole time? Alot. And by alot, I mean alot of drama, alot of emotional fluxuations, alot of unwise decisions, and alot of great, great times. 

The band has been rolling along very smoothly. Played a show in Cranbrook a few weeks ago and it went very well. Not the biggest crowd, but those who came had enough energy to fuel the show. It was a great experience playing out of town, and hopefully it happens some more in the future.

Next, I believe I may be getting a reputation for hanging out with girls that I are deemed inappropriate ages to be hanging out with. This also includes sexual relations which may be frowned upon by some. I do not agree with out legal and morale system regarding these things (maybe I should), so I do not feel bad for any of the choices I've made. 

Girls a few years younger than me are MUCH MUCH more fun to hang around then anyone I know my age these days, and I see nothing wrong with that at all. Liquor also plays a part in these unwise decisions of course, but I carry no shame or regret for anything that I have done. In every case(almost), it has strengthened my friendship with this individuals, which leads me to my main reason for writing this entry.

Relationship problems.

So you may remember ( which you all should, cause I expect you to be religiously studying my old posts while waiting for a new one, hah) the girl I talked about in my last post. The one who I was heavily falling for? Well that's all back.

I saw her at the show, and it was amazing. We cuddled and talked, and once again I felt something so foreign to me. We hung out a few days later and it was so even more amazing, I can't even begin to describe it. Maybe it's been a while since I've been in a relationship, but I can't remember a time when I've felt so happy and attracted to someone, if I ever have been. We had a great night and everything went perfect. Then I had to leave. This is what is killing me. I don't think I was prepared for how much I would like this girl, and being away from her leaves me with this hole in my stomach I was not expecting to be so prominant. This all sounds very juvenile, as I've said before, but I can't help how it affects me. Not to mention this date we got alot closer. Alot more talking, alot more open talking. I have already mentioned in my post all the things that make this girl amazing to me. Her open-mindedness, her creativity, ect. But I have never felt so comfortable. To note, things have gotten to a slightly sexual point, which I won't get into detail, which may have contributed to how much closer I feel to her(not to say for a second this has much to do with sex, but un-avoidable). She has pushed my comfort level many times, and yet, not for a second do I feel akward. It's just...intense. She obviously has had different sexual experiences than me, and I am fascinated by it. Her candid way of thinking goes right over to her thoughts on sex. I really feel like it's helping me become more confident in myself just as a person.

So that sounds great and all, but no. I'm not sure if this distance thing will work. I think I could handle it, with difficulty mind you, but not sure what her take on it is. Things go well that night, then we start texting in the morning, and she seems quiet and dismissive. Maybe has something to do with mood, or IDK. I know she has other guys going on her life, and I'm not sure what to think of that. I don't feel like she should be commited to me in any sense, just wondering how that comes into things. 

I haven't had the best few days anyways. I wish this would just...work. I feel much better now, and until I see her again I'm just gonna indulge in the wonderous art that are my video games. 

I've also been cutting down on the drinking. I feel like getting slammed would help my mood, which it would, but I'm just so sick of it. Until my birthday next week, I'm just gonna take it easy, and keep it up after too. Feels nice to have a clear head.

Sooooooo, as it's all girls that read this. Any thoughts? I realize I am young and maybe shouldn't take this all so seriously, but hey, that's how we learn.

For now, I will leave you with this. I feel much lighter writing this, and expect alot more entries from me...hopefully.

"Don't let them say you ain't beautiful. They can all get fucked just stay true to you" Eminem - Beautiful.