Passion

Passion:

1. any powerful or compelling emotion or feeling, as love or hate.
2. strong amorous feeling or desire; love; ardor.
3. strong sexual desire; lust.
4. an instance or experience of strong love or sexual desire.
5. a person toward whom one feels strong love or sexual desire.
6. a strong or extravagant fondness, enthusiasm, or desire for anything: a passion for music.

Wow, I've been neglecting to blog lately. I just don't seem like I have the time. I'll recount some of the things that have been happening since my last one to the strange emotional state I am in now.

Let's see, I can FINALLY fucking drive again, thank god. It's been so long, and I'm so happy to be doing it again. Cruising around in the Maz is such a good feeling, and really makes me feel alot more free, and opens up alot of options for me, but it's pretty much become normal already, and expensive of course.

Went to Cranbrook with it a few days ago. Suffice it to say, it was a crazy ass night. Alot of partying, and dumb shit that I don't quite regret but should not have done. Went through about 500 bucks that night, lost our damage deposit on our room. I honestly don't know if I'm happy or upset about the whole thing. I had fun though, so that's all that really matters.

Now onto how I'm feeling now. I've been thinking about blogging this ALL day at work. I don't know, I feel like I have no passion to motivate me these days. Like, I have the band and all, and it's great, but it feels like I would be alot happier in a different situation. I mean, I'm content, and have lots of good stuff going on, but I could be alot more satisfied.  I need to be in a city, working at a music shop or a LAN cafe, going to school. Something to keep me going. Something DIFFERENT. This town is really starting to bring me down. It's too safe, too comfortable. And the people. This brings me back to my first post. It is getting honestly to the point where I feel like I am losing my creativity. I have no outlets for educated discussion. I think I need to start writing again, being more involved with art, beyond music. All the people I know are so caught up in thier lives and everyone else's lives they don't appreciate things. Don't see beauty where they should. All just gossip and parties. I feel like I have no genuine friends. I mean, I know I have endless people that I feel care about me greatly, but noone I can confide in, or talk seriously or creatively with. I know quite a few people but they are all moved on from here, or not people I can just see all the time. I need people I can share things with, sit and enjoy silence with. People open-minded, intelligent, artistic. I really am lacking these types of people at this point, and I feel this town is not helping me at all. Part of me wants to just say fuck it all and move somewhere, California, or Vancouver.  Somewhere where there are people out there I can relate to. There should be someone in my life I could have a face to face conversation about all this with, but they just aren't available. All in time. But I feel held here, mainly by the band. I am so happy playing with them that I don't think I could give it up though. 

But yeah, so I think, on my day off, I am gonna go to open doors and start on my schooling. Having a vehicle leaves me no excuse not to do this now. And I need to go for a hike, like...badly. The forest eases me more than anything, and I don't take that for granted nearly like I should. 

Anyways, I could say tons more but I'll leave it for another day. Quite the depressing post, but it was necessary. I feel much better just putting it out there. I'm not even upset, I'm damn happy about life, but something is missing that I feel I should have. It will come to me.

Until next time, I love you all who read this, as I'm sure you know! I leave you with....hhhmmm...Paramore.

"It takes aquired minds, to taste this wine. You can't down it with your eyes, so we don't need the headlines, we just want the airwaves back" -Born for this   Paramore 

Love

LOVE:

1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
3. sexual passion or desire.
4. a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.
5. (used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection, or the like)

Yay for napping! 

I just woke up from a short nap, a thing I rarely ever can manage and I feel rested. It was quite the night. We had a little gathering for Korrina last night at Sam and Shawn's place. It was SO fun. They decorated the whole place with an underwater theme. Little cardboard lobsters, and blue tassles and baloons and the like. We ate veggie chips and everyone drank wine and played spoons. I'm really gonna miss her.

And then, BUD's! God damn the bar was wicked. Big John Bates was playing, and I have decided I want my next girlfriend to be a burlesque dancer. They were so AWESOME, and not just because they were fairly beautiful and had almost no clothes on. They had tons of energy and put on a really good show, as did the rest of the band. Watching that girl play the stand up bass was amazing. I danced so damn hard all night. I drank a good amount, but not too much. There was a little party down at Calgary beach afterwards where I met up with some random people I hadn't seen in a while.

Anyways, it was a fun night. Woke up for work feeling very groggy, but survived the day. It's valentine's day and I'm single of course. I'm not a huge fan of the holiday but there is love in the air. Everyone is in a generally loving mood on V Day, so it was okay.

Anyways, I'm lost for things to write about tonight, so HAPPY VALENTINES DAY to everyone. I LOVE YOU!

"Love: a temporary insanity, curable by marriage" -Ambrose Bierce

Infected

Infected:

1. To contaminate with a pathogenic microorganism or agent.
2. To communicate a pathogen or disease to.
3. To invade and produce infection in.
4. To contaminate or corrupt.
5. To affect in a contagious way.

So, just got back from jamming. Was pretty damn fun. We wrote another new tune and jammed out some of newer stuff.  Things are going pretty good. I wasn't feeling it at first. I'm kinda getting sick of these 4/4 progressive rythyms, but it may be my drumming. I haven't had a kit here for so long that I haven't been able to practice new fills and stuff. Feel's like I'm playing the equivalant of a Beatles CD. Ew.

Anyways, so me and a few buddies went out and had a fire last night. This beautiful spot about a 15 minute walk from my house along the beach. It's this little circle of tree's above the sand dunes overlooking the lake. I loved it. I can't wait for summer and camping and being out in nature. It's something that I am really missing. They were all drinking, and I was suprised at how easily I passed on it. It was even my day off, when I usually party the hardest. I never really thought I had a problem with drinking, but I was doing it so much that I could have misjudged. Nope, I have no problem forgetting about it. I feel SO much better these days.

Also reformatted my computer. TWICE. Could'nt get my god damn games running for some reason so did it again. I fucking HATE troubleshooting. Even worse is when I found out what the problem was. Fuck I'm dumb sometimes. You would think after about 100 times I would have remember the little things like that. Anyways, I'm good to go and have been fragging people all day. :)

What else interesting (not that any of that is very exciting). I think Ryan and Olivia are gonna come over and have a hot tub. I really do miss chilling with Ryan alot, but I know he's happy and I'm glad for him. Olivia too actually. I love them both. :)

But yeah, I've got a thing of oil boiling on the stove for my so very healthy poutine I'm cooking, so I should take my leave!

Good night readers!

Oh right! Quote! Nothing comes to mind...but....since I loathe alot of philosophy( A whole entry in iteself).

"Philosophy: A network of roads leading from nothing to nowhere" -Unknown

Sacred

Sacred

1. devoted or dedicated to a deity or to some religious purpose; consecrated.

2. entitled to veneration or religious respect by association with divinity or divine things; holy.
3. pertaining to or connected with religion (opposed to secular or profane ): sacred music; sacred books. 
4. reverently dedicated to some person, purpose, or object: a morning hour sacred to study. 
5. regarded with reverence: the sacred memory of a dead hero. 

6. secured against violation, infringement, etc., as by reverence or sense of right: sacred oaths; sacred rights.

7. properly immune from violence, interference, etc., as a person or office

So I had a pretty fun night last night. Went out to the bar to play a pool tournament. I totally cleaned everyone out. Made about 40 bucks, which is almost what I spent on drinks. I turned around and bought more beer with it sadly. I was pretty drunk by the time I left, and honestly did not enjoy it like I usually do. After being sober and having such a clear head it just seems like a waste of time now. I'm glad I'm feeling like that.

Went to Kelsey's after and watched a movie, some clever chick flick that I don't even remember. It was nice to lie with her without her boyfriend around...they are broken up now. It was also a  bit strange. I didn't quite feel the comfort I usually do when lying with her, which kinda sucks. I was probably being little too friendly thanks to to booze, so that may have had something to do with it. It's hard to hold back when we went out for so long and I can feel so secure with her. Nonetheless it was a really fun night.

Woke up this morning and took Tay up town and had coffee at Gerry's. I really do love her baby. I never really liked the idea of having kids until I spent some time with Daws. He is just sooo cute and playing with him is really fun. I'm sure it's a lot more stressful actually looking after him all the time, but I can't wait till the day I'm ready for that. I want a little girl though, more than anything. I would honestly be pretty upset if it was a boy, but oh well. We'll see one day.

I just got home and feel pretty lost on what to do. This always happens on my day off. Usually I find something productive to do, but with all the emotions going on with me, I haven't been able to motivate myself. I haven't cleaned my room in like, 3 weeks, and I am CRAZY about cleansliness. I think I'm gonna re format my computer though. I just got another moniter and for some reason hooking it up has totally fucked up my computer. I'm running in safe mode right now for facebook, but I want to do some gaming. I am dying to play some games. Ever since I upgraded to this new moniter, I can't even play WoW, which is upsetting. I miss all my friends online. We have been friends for so many years, it feels odd to go without speaking to them for months at a time. I could always just hook up my mic and hop on vent, but it's kind of just not the same when your not playing. I miss videogames in general, as my passion for music is equalled only by my love of videogames. Like I said, somewhere, videogames are the most interactive and inspiring art form for me. Most critics say that GTA 4 was one of the best movies of the summer. Haha, I found that interesting. I'm glad they are actually getting appreciated like they should, as an art, and not just something for entertainment. If you can, and do play, go download "American Magee's ALICE". A grim take on Alice in Wonderland. So amazing.

Anyways, enough about that.  Saw the girl today, said Hi and she totally ignored me. It was satisfying. She texted me last night and tried to turn everything around on me, which is where I usually back down and cave, but nope. Texted back a few times and then just ignored them. My night was going too good. Sucks that I had to lose a good friend through this all. I told her a million times I would still be a friend to her, and that I supported anything she did. Oh well, what can you do? 

I'm gonna go reformat my computer, and hopefully clean this room. I shall leave you with some Shakespeare.

"O Pardon me, thou bleeding peice of earth, that I am meek and gentle with these butchers!" -Shakespeare "Julius Caesar"

Tainted

Tainted:

To affect with or as if with a disease.

To affect with decay or putrefaction; spoil. See Synonyms at contaminate.

To corrupt morally.

To affect with a tinge of something reprehensible

Well, I've been thinking about doing this post all day. It's really nice to look forward to doing this. All I could think about at work was what I was gonna put on here. 

Speaking of work, I really do love my job. As much as a dread waking up every morning, when I get to work I enjoy it. I listen to music for at least 6 hours a day. And I mean really listen to it, break it down, enjoy every note. I'm starting to get sick of my tunes though, I need to get some more on my iPod.

Ummm, so I'm feeling lonely still. There's still just a little bit of pain when I think about the girl in the previous entry, but relief washes over me and totally outdoes the sadness, so I'm glad. Also haven't been drinking at all, so my head feels so clear after two months of girl drama and getting hammered WAY to often.

So, I figured I should give some honorable mentions to some people who have helped me out through this shit, and are the reason I'm not a wreck.

First off, Nikki Newlove. Noone here will know her but I will elaborate a bit on our friendship. We have never met in person. We met on World of Warcraft about 5 or 6 years ago shortly after I started my 2 year solitude/WoW binge. Of course it was all talk about the game until we talked more. We eventually got into talking about personal things, friendly flirting, ect. Now we chat on MSN all the time, and I consider her one of my most trusted friends. It's good to have someone who doesn't know anything about your life, and is willing to listen to all your problems and sound genuinely interested. And she tells me all hers. Any girl troubles I have, I know she will give me an honest answer and she has helped me through sooo much crap and sad times. Not to mention she is pretty much my dream girl. She plays WoW for one thing, rips it up on guitar, introduced me to Bullet for my Valentine (now one of my favorite bands) and also showed me Twilight. She is open-minded. supportive, and over all just a good honest person. I LOVE YOU FALL! :P

Next would be Bailey. Alot of people I know seem to have some personal fueds with her, and expect me to base my judgement of her on those facts, which I find very unfair. She has helped me more than anyone in the last two months, and also, we have never really spoken a word to eachother. No matter how much she disagree's with me, she has always supported my decisions, put up with my late night drunken calls, and all around been a true friend to me. It means alot, and I will always be a close friend to her. Thanks!

I also have to give a small mention to you Skylar (your the only one of the 3 here that will actually read this). Not that she has helped me with any of my personal problems so far, but having someone I can have an intelligent conversation with is a true blessing these days. It's rare that I can find someone like that, especially being so young. Someone I can tell my opinion, without worrying about being attacked, but simply just respecting what I have to say, and giving me hers. Also finding someone that seems so creative. Honestly your pieces are the highlight of my day. You are honestly a gem waiting to be discovered by the right group of people. I can see us being good friends in the future. 

Amazing that all these people I haven't spoken more than a word to face to face, but I feel have had a good or large impact on my life.

Now....KORRI! Omg I can't believe she is leaving me in 1 WEEK! It seems like it is coming way too fast.  She has been one or maybe THE closest friend of mine since grade 8, and I can't even begin to remember all the amazing times I have had with her. I feel like I should have spent ALOT more time with her in the last few years, but I know that things between us will never cease. She is my life-long friend. She is creative, open-minded, non-judgemental, has a wonderful taste in ANYTHING and is just a beautiful and amazing person. I AM GONNA MISS YOU SO MUCH! Now I have no reason to procrastinate going to the coast. We have lots of time and friendship ahead of us Korri, and I can't wait to see what you do with your life.  Anyways, I'm getting too sad, I just need to enjoy the last days your here!

Okay so enough about my love for people, which seems to just get larger by the minute (thankfully!), I am gonna end this with a series of quotes but first, a little tangent.

Christina Aguilera. Now please bear with me here as I'm sure that name turned most of you away. I listened to her record "Back to Basics" after a long while today, and I had almost forgot about how amazing it was, and how emotional it made me. I was almost brought to tears during "Mother".  It reminded me why I love music so much. That one song, or that one note that just puts an amazing or horrible or sad or angry feeling all throughout your body. Like that single guitar note after the bridge in "Killer Queen", or the solo for "Shine on you Crazy Diamond" by Floyd. It's one of the main reasons I play music. To make people feel like that. On a slightly different topic, it drives me fucking INSANE how critics are so hard on her for her showing off her body. When the "Dirty" video came out, everyone just accused her of selling her body and image. She fired her manager right before Stripped for trying to control her music career, and has stayed true to what she does the whole time. She believes in being secure with your body. Easy for her to say right? Being so toned, and having a very nice body.  But if you listen to the previous mentioned record, you'll understand how she feels about her whole career, and it astounds me the shit she took for it.

So before I end with some quotes by her, fromm her new record(quite a few actually, as I couldn't choose) please do me a huge favor.

Listen to this song by her. Bear through it if you hate her. And don't just listen, hear it. Crank it up, put the headphones on, forget facebook or finishing this blog. Just listen, read the lyrics. This is why I love music. This is why people love it. This is what drives me to listen, and to play, and to write and to share. This is also why I LOVE Christina so much.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_V61_dDzOps

Anyways, I'll end with some quotes which hit me strongly on the record, mainy about empowering woman oddly enough. Once again, hope I didn't bore anyone, or make anyone uncomfortable with my honest words. To all those I didn't mention, I love you too! :P

"Why is a woman's sexuality
Always under so much scrutiny?
Why can't she do exactly as she please
Without being called a million things?" Still Dirrty (Back to Basics)

"There's some women out there who talk and stare
Who never seem to let down their hair
Like to past judgement, but they're just scared
And don't know what they're missing, so they better beware" Still Dirrty (Back to Basics)

"I pay no mind to the negative kind
cause it's just no way to be
i don't stop to please someone else you see
Gonna live my life for me" Here to Stay (Back to Basics)

First Entry - A Madness Shared by Two

Folie à Deux :A condition in which symptoms of a mental disorder, such as the same delusional beliefs or ideas, occur simultaneously in two individuals who share a close relationship or association.

So, this is my fist blog entry ever, as the title explains. Title taken from the new Fall Out Boy CD. I assume, from the song lyrics, that it is a reference to two people in love, but that is just speculation.

Of course, this blog won't have much about relationships in it, save this first post perhaps.

Anyways, so why have I decided to start a blog after so long of neglecting it? Well, at first I wasn't keen on blogging in general, for some unknown reason I can't remember. And secondly, because I didn't feel I was doing anything worthy of writing about. But after reading a few of my friends, it seems like an amazing way to let out anger, sadness, or whatever other thoughts that drift around in our brains.  But this seems like something that would be healthy for my peace of mind, and hey, maybe someone will enjoy reading it! 

So I'll most likely be starting these out with an update of what the band is doing, as that is my first priority in life at the moment, and has been greatly fufilling for me.

Things are going great with the band. After about 6 months of writing, we have shows lined up ALL summer. We played our first show at Copper City, and couldn't be happier. Packed the bar, free drinks, and got paid on top. So overall a success.  It looks like this is gonna keep up for a while, so I'm happy. I broke a cymbal during the first song, so I gotta find 300 bucks before our next gig, as it was a vital one. Other than that it's looking up, and I'll keep ya updated on show's.

So now to the relationship part, or lack thereof. It's amazing I have been holding on to this for so many months, when deep down I knew it wasn't healthy for me. I mean, after being single for so long,  loneliness takes the best of you and you will put up with alot of shit to feel some companionship. And the sex might have had something to do with it of course. But I think I've finally realized that I'm better off without this person, as she wasn't for me. I knew it the whole time too, and am suprised I let myself get so torn and hurt over it. Live and learn I suppose. I took alot from all the drama that happened during it all, and will never have regrets.  I believe strongly in never having regrets for anything. I have done some stupid things but I think something can be taken from each one.  I won't go into this too much, as I don't want to bore anyone about girls, but yeah, that's my love life at the moment.

Okay, so the person who actually inspired me to start writing this blog said something I have been thinking about for a long time now on one of her recent blogs. She talks about how noone wants to talk about anything that is at all interesting. Talks are mostly revolved around who is fucking who, who was fighting at the bar this weekend, or who got arrested for whatever. I find it very upsetting. I mean, I realize that in such a small town with no culture that I should'nt hope for much, it just suprises me.  Maybe I'm hanging out with the wrong people, who are mostly younger than me. It just seems that I was having more productives talks back in high school than I am now, as a 20 year old. I think I need to leave this town and go meet some people. She also mentions about people putting guards around themselves and how noone is willing to open up. I consider myself the most honest and open person I know, which is also upsetting. There are only a very few select people I feel I can be totally honest with and have them do the same back. People are SO afraid of being judged harshly, they will do anything to hide who they are. I suppose when your in a world with such high expectations that we are, it gets built into you. Oh well. I could keep going on about this for hours but once again, I don't want to bore you.

I'll stop here...there's alot more on my mind, but I don't want it to be too long and painful for anyone to bear through, if they do read it at all.

So yeah, thanks for reading, and I'll be updating at least once a day I'm sure, as I have alot going on.

And starting now, I'm gonna end each entry with a quote, probably from one of my many favorite musicians. It may or may not have something to do with the post, and in this case, it does.

"I'm just a notch in your bed post, but your just a line in a song" -Fall Out Boy